The Pandemic
. . . . . I made the hole. The whole is mine. Home is the hole.
I am the rabbit. . . .
1
I'm just a normal guy. There's nothing special about me, nothing ever happens to me. I'm not even that noticeable by most peoples standards. I don't exactly try to stand out. I'm just trying to get through this school to get to one that's better . . . or at least one I decide to be in instead of the one I have to be in. So why am I the only one who noticed it. . . .or am I . . . .Maybe everyone else did but they aren't saying anything.
The wind blows and you can't see it either. All you can see are the effects of it. As long as I don't act like anything happened and I didn't notice anything then no one will know the wind blew. Right? Except the wind doesn't blow one single person out of all the people who were there. Does it? I must be losing my mind. This isn't possible, but I did see it. . ..and I know it wasn't right. . . but why didn't anyone else. It's not the first time I noticed something wrong but this was way wrong. Like passed how wrong you thought something could be . . . .but there it was. . . .on screen . . . in class . . .with everyone else watching . . . even the teacher . . .who happened to notice that I noticed something.
She looked like she was waiting for me to say something but I was having too hard of a time wrapping my head around what I saw . . . and heard . . . .That voice . .in the background . . . I'm not sure it was intentional . . . maybe just a glitch in the editing
But why am I the only one who noticed? . . and why do I feel so creeped out. I usually laugh at horror movies because there. . . well . . .ridiculous. . and this was a school video . . about . . something to do with school. . . or the class I was in . .
Honestly, I wasn't paying that much attention until it went sideways to creepsvile. Now I can't get it out my head.. .. . this is weird. I usually don't have any trouble forgetting what we did in school. . . . but this was . . .idk . . .It's not like we were learning anything important. It was just the next bit of information we need to temp memorize till we have to regurgitate it later. Then blank slates again, . . . while we learn the important things on our own . . You know. . .the classic American educational system. It might not produce thinking individual human beings who can make decisions for themselves, but it's great at producing clones and drones for whatever the higher ups deem them worthy of. Learn as little as you need to, eat this toxic food, take all these pills, ravage the environment, work in a toxic hell, till you end up in the hospital, spend a few years moping on more meds, then dead, rinse and repeat with the next crop. It's how the world works, don't like it, you can leave, . . .here's an early out to the hospital. . .they'll take great care of it. . . .might even put you away somewhere till you can be a better drone, and not buck the status quo. Oh yeah, meds for life, like the majority of the US population . . Permanent meds. . for as short of a life as you can have on all these pills . . Just leave the thinking to us . . . . .creepy but true.
That's howe it looks to me anyway. . .but I ask questions and try to think for myself. I get things wrong . . a lot . . but I try.
It's a process . . I'm a student . . . I'm supposed to get things wrong sometimes. If I got everything right all the time I'd be a teacher. . . and I am certainly not a teacher . . of anything . . . nor an expert . . . but I did notice something very, very wrong with the video were watching. . . and the teacher noticed that I knew something wasn't right. . .
It gave me that feeling like I'm about to be in trouble for doing something right. . . again . . . Get too many answers on certain tests right and you get in trouble for cheating, until you take it again and make a higher score. . .then again . . and again. . .I think half the reason I get in trouble is because I made them look wrong. . .who knows what the rest of it is. All they managed to prove was that I either wasn't cheating and they owed me an apology, . . or they think I cheated and used my psychic abilities to get the answers right. I guess that's the one they believe since I never got an apology. . . or anything else. They just acted mad like I beat them at something.
"How dare I be smarter than they said I can be." . . .who knows . . . .
The school system has got in trouble before for falsifying documents, and not releasing others. Little things like transcripts and other records that nobody thinks are that important . . .until they are. Apparently some kids were denied going to good schools because the school system here didn't like them or think they deserved it and others got fake transcripts to get them into schools they clearly shouldn't be going to. . .at least not on an academic scholarship . .. or maybe they are exactly the kind of person that goes there on an academic scholarship.. . a lying, dishonest . . .fake in every way, but yet it's on paper, scholarship. . . .to a school that's only prestigious to other people who went to that school under the same shady circumstances . . and now they call it tradition . . . I haven't applied to those schools. nor do I care to be part of their weird society or traditions . . . .
I'm not even close to that point yet, but you hear stories. Then certain officials are suddenly gone. . . or teachers. . . . or neighbors. . . whole families . . . . No story about it. . . nothing to mention . . . just . . gone. . .Then someone new comes in and the whole thing starts over.. . . or its all in my head. . . nothing sinister or dishonest going on here at all . . . not at all. . . . or its all just witches and devils. . . .
I might not have answers for the things I see here but I did see it, and it was very, very, wrong.
2
Unbelievable! I got asked to leave school 3 weeks ago and now the world is shutting down. Maybe it was 3 weeks ago . . . feels like longer . . . . but . . . .IDK . . . .Something about a virus, blah, blah, blah. I don't really pay attention to the news. I didn't think any of it was relevant to me anyway.
Until now.
Seriously the world is shutting down until further notice. Or I got my bunny ears and didn't know.
Over a virus that has been around for ever. This is ridiculous. I honestly thought people were joking until the announcement about stores closing. Food stores are closing. No more food.
What?
What is going on with the world. . . . or is it really just me. It's getting hard to tell. That weird voice keeps popping up in my head. Like something out of the secret world or Lovecraft. . . .or a bad black and white horror movie. Some of those give me the flat out creeps. . . .and I like them anyway . . . maybe it is me.
It is kind of a huh situation though. I got asked to leave school and have to finish online, now everyone else has to do online school too. It's almost like someone knew what was about to happen and got me out of the way. Not really sure if that's a good or bad thing yet.
Separating me, and any others like me from the rest of society. Definitely a huh situation. Is it supernatural, probably not, but the way things are going I could see how people might think so. Some of this stuff has me scratching my head. Especially those weird thoughts from out of the blue. Like People can hear what I'm thinking, but I know they can't, they just want me to think they can, for whatever reason. It's like they're all part of something that I'm not. Which would drive a lot of people bonkers, but I'm not most people. I don't really pay that much attention to most people . . .nothing against any of them I'm just not that interested in what most of them are doing. . . .If they're all part of something sinister, that's on them.
I think.
. . . . and maybe it's all just witches and devils.
This is worse than that one time I went fishing without my phone. . . . . I actually never went fishing with my phone. I didn't really see how anything else could be so important that I needed to be interrupted. . . . . . When I came back in everyone else was glued to their phones like they were in a trance. It was one of the creepiest days I've had, and growing up here I've had a lot of them. But they never stopped. They're still wandering around staring at their phones. People can't stop at a red light without looking at their phone. I looked it up. the average person in the US has to look at their phone every 30 seconds.
What the heck is so important on their phones?
I asked people what was so important but it didn't help much. Their answers didn't make much sense. I understood them, or at least their vocabulary, just not why they were so entranced by it. Eventually I just stopped asking and apparently that's not one of the questions I got kicked out of school for. . . . just another part of the world I now inhabit.
I'm starting to realize the world is nothing like I thought it was. Not really sure how it goes back to what used to be normal. Not sure, if normal was normal, now. Was it always like this and I just didn't notice ? I can feel the rabbit hole opening up under me again. Time to side step and try and get my head right or whatever . . . . This is al so . . . . confusing . . . . and not the good kind either.
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. . . . . I made the hole. The whole is mine. Home is the hole.
I am the rabbit. . . . .
3
I went to the store today to stock up on foods. . . . dry things, things I can freeze, and as a last resort things in cans. I absolutely hate can goods in the US with all those chemicals, but I hate starving more. I guess we all have to make sacrifices while the world is unsane. Speaking of how unsane the world is, I was one of the few people actually buying foods, everyone else was hoarding toilet paper and paper towels.
I was so shocked I couldn't speak. . . . I was also a little terrified . . . maybe more than a little It looked like one of those crazy commercials where the people are fighting over toys at Christmas, but with toilet paper. People literally had multiple buggies of toilet paper, and no food, . . .maybe . . . maybe. . . a candy bar or bag of chips.
What the hell is so important about toilet paper?
If worse comes to worser, I think I can manage to keep my lowers clean but there's only so much I an eat. Trees don't look too appealing to me, neither does grass. I eat a lot of veg but even I have limits. These people though, they would rather starve than not have a tissue. Ironically, if you stop putting food in one end nothing comes out of the other.
I seriously think they don't actually know how digestion works. More aces for the school system that asked me leave. It is a little interesting though that I got asked to leave for asking questions and now I'm one of the few people buying food instead of going along with the herd and stocking up on toilet paper.
That probably does mean something, but right now IDKW, and think I might have bigger problems on the way.
I'm curious about what these people were eating before the pandemic. If they have that big of a need for mass amounts of tp, something was probably way out of balance to begin with . . . . but you can't tell them anything. Unless your someone they would actually listen to, but listening to those people is why there's a panic over toilet paper to begin with.
The crazies are running the nuthouse.
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5
Bad finally invited worse to dinner and we are now on full lockdown. Nobody can go anywhere unless it's for essentials or an emergency. You can basically go get food, not toilet paper, that's rationed, which I still can't believe. The rationing of toilet paper is a level of unsanity that I never knew exiisted. . .yet here we are. . . .
. . . But no running at the beach, no walking, can't do anything outdoors, except in your yard as long as you stay away from any neighbors. What about the people in apts, what do they do, are they allowed to communicate with each other. This is all too weird. I'm really not adjusting well to the new world. Sleeping is getting worse and the weird voice trying to drag me down the rabbit hole is getting worse. I feel nauseous a lot now. And I have a headache almost all the time.
Maybe it's the food. They're weren't many organic choices at the store. I never really ate the foods in cans and stuff.
I don't know what else it could be, other than the world has just gone unsane except for me and it's trying to pull me in. Maybe this is how everyone else ended up unsane. . . . they all notices one little thing wrong . . then wham, they were getting dragged into some nightmare world were nothing makes sense anymore. . . . and people don't really seem like people anymore. . . or is it still the same. . . . .
I wasn't really paying much attention to most people before it all got turned upside down. I wasn't on social media or any of the other "social" parts of society. I've looked at them . . . it was. . . .scary. Maybe I should do a little research into what happens to everyone else, and maybe figure out what's going on in my head. It's not like I don't have the time anymore. This sucks.
There's all those questions that keep popping up in my head too. Like: What if this is really death, and when we (die) we are really born into life? And how would we know until we are born(die) Would we remember our life(death) when we are born again(die). Its actually not that hard to see how things can spiral out of control now.
. .what if crazy is actually sane? . . . or is it just crazy. . .
I do know that if the unsane people think your crazy it's actually a compliment.
I might look cool in bunny ears.
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......I made the hole. The hole is mine. Home is the hole. .
I am the rabbit. . . .
8
I remember when I thought things were just all normally: like all those pet people were just people with pets. Now I know different. I love it when they say "Dogs are the best judge of character." Yes Hitler loved dogs. He had lots of them.
They really don't like it when I mention that. I get that confused mixed with anger look. Like it's me there's something wrong with, not what they said. They know it's right but I'm wrong for pointing it out.
Oh yeah . .. I'm the one with the problem . . as I side step dog poop. . . .
How can people not know that letting their dog poop in public is gross?
Most of them just seem malicious now. Not all . . . .but most of them do. . . .that one girl still seems cute . . . but she doesn't always have that dog with her either . . . . and I've never seen her ride around with a dog hanging out of the window. . . or glued to her phone . . . .while she's walking . . . . That's a different level of hell there . . . why can't I just ignore all this like I used to . . .ignorance was truly bliss . . . but I don't know where this is going . . .so . . . .maybe at the end it'll be better than before. I don't think there's a getting out till its over anyway . .
While I'm down this hole I've also noticed discrepancies in the news. There using the same footage from things that happened years ago to scare people now. Well, things that might have happened years ago. Who knows? I can make some things look real with free apps and I'm not even good at it, they have professionals. But people keep watching and acting like its real. . .
or pretending its real. . .
I still cant tell.
Things aren't always as clear as I would like. It was so much easier before things changed. . . it wasn't real . . but it was easier. . or was it the same as it is now I just wasn't paying attention to most of it . . . . somethings are still really confusing . . . .but at least I'm sleeping again. . . . .sometimes . . . sometimes not . . .
I still wake up sweaty and feel like I'm suffocating occasionally. . . . and sometimes out of the blue when I'm awake . . .
. .It'll pass or I'll figure out how to make it pass.
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13
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To say I've lost track of time would be a massive understatement. Between the nausea, the voices, all the noise, and everything else, I honestly have no idea how long things have been like this anymore. . . or if it's still just me that's changed.
I tried remembering something the other day and couldn't make out when it was. Then I drifted into a rabbit hole. What if time isn't real anyway. What if it's like voodoo or something that only works if you believe in it.(Let me be clear I don't think Voodoo has any power over anything except the person who believes in it)
Since I can't fathom time anymore I'm not bound by it. I can travel though time. Then I remembered everybody travels through time, just in one direction. Ha ha rabbit hole I side stepped you. . . . . But . . . . what if time is something like air, or another part of the atmosphere but everywhere . . .even in space. and we travel through it like we do other things, air, water, a void. . . it's just not something that can actually be measured in minutes or hours or days. . .days are things that happen . . . . day and night are part of a cycle not actual measures of time . . . time is something different all together . . .we don't actually have tools to measure time .. . . . . or you can't really measure it in our understanding of it any way. It just exists and we move through it. . . do it correctly and you can go on infinitely . .like freediving . . do it wrong . . . and you end up like a potato that's been in the microwave too long. Shriveled and un edible. . . don't ask me how I know that . . . . I get bored on lock down . . . . . and that would explain what happened to the people who get out in the sun for a couple of summers and look 100 years old. . . .Moving through time wrong and with an overdose of UV mixed with being too hot for too long and POW. . . . . or there more clones of people who weren't made just quite right . . . .in my mental state right now they both make sense. . . . or it's all completely supernatural and it's been done by witches and devils. . . . I'm feeling nauseous again . . .and there's the noise . . . and the headache is coming back . . . but before it does . . .what if . . . people can move through time without a fixed point. I keep moving forward but so doe s the point that I started. That's why I can't tell how long it's been anymore.
Instead of time, or life being like a rubber band that can only stretch out so far, it's like a piece of string that doesn't stretch at all. You move the whole string along your time line. You have the same amount of time but it keeps changing as you move forward. . . infinite. . . .Since I don't have any reference points that are fixed to a certain point in time . . . it moves along with me. It would explain a lot . . but there's no way to prove any of it . . . . .and most people have been programmed into believing that whole fixed point theory that you'll never convince them of anything else . . . . . things are starting to spin a little bit . . . . how long have I been standing here . . . how many people noticed. . . .
Yep . . bout to puke . . . and I mean that in the most unmetaphorical way possible. . .
. . . .I made the hole. The whole is mine. Home is the hole.
I am the rabbit. . . . .
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21
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Lockdown in pandemic is not as cool as you think it would be. It kinda sucks. I used to think it would be great if I was the only person going to some places. The store, running at the beach, fishing . . . I don't mind doing any of them solo. Most of them are actually nicer with less people. I've never been big into social groups anyway. . . . . just . . .not my thing. . . I know lots of people are . . or at least there taught they should be. . . .the whole society thing . . I guess. Now that the world is all crazy and people can't group or socialize or anything else . . . its . . pretty creepy. . . . or its my deteriorating mental state that's making it seem that way . . . or the chemicals in the foods. . . or a combination of all of it. . . or lack of things to do . . . . or it's all witched and devils. . . . .things I used to think were impossible seem like valid ideas now . . . or at least plausible. . . which creeps me out even more. . . then things start to spin and down the rabbit hole I start to slip. . . I need to find things to keep my mind occupied. . . just not the things others are doing . . staring at a phone watching the recommended whatever . .
. .who knew you could shut down the world in a few weeks with bad info and over exposure
I can only read so much before my head aches. I can only play video games so much before my thumbs and fingers cramp. I started looking into what other people were doing during the lockdown to stay sane. I didn't really know what most people did before the pandemic so it might be interesting. Only I didn't really know where to look other than youtube or social media. Using either one to see what the masses are doing scares me a little . . . more than a little. . . . and . . .for some reason . . . I feel like I'm being forced into it. . . . . . like getting everyone on social media might be part of a bigger plan. . . . . . .but there's probably not any harm in looking . . . which is exactly what people say in dumb movies . . . .The fact that bad decisions in horror movies is starting to makes sense is really disturbing . . . . the fact that I'm going to do it anyway should be too . . . but its not enough to keep me from looking . . . I have the Pandora jitters. . . and I've also wondered for more than a little while if social media was making people crazy or if it just appealed to people who already were crazy.
I use youtube some but it's usually to look up things I'm interested in. Music, a lot of PBS channels. . . .art . . . environmental stuff . . . how to stuff . . probably not the usual stuff of most people . . . but you can don't have to just stick to brain dead things online. . . I've learned all kinds of things online. . . how to make websites . . . .how to tie flies . . . what regenerative farming is . . . even finished high school online. . . but I didn't really have a choice there.
Never really used the other outlets though.
Not being someone on social media means I have no idea which one to start with or which one is the least bad. . . .or the least
damaging to my brain . . . or future. . . or health . . . I tried looking up which social media platform is the least harmful to people and got no results. I doubt I'm the only person to ask that . . . or if social media in itself is harmful . . . . . but whoever filters the information on the internet doesn't want people to have easy access to that information. From what I've seen social media makes people anti social. They all just stare at their phones. . . . all day . . . . but they don't get asked to leave school for asking questions. . . .they don't ask any questions . . . they do whatever their phone lord tells them to do . . . wear a mask . . .get vaccinated . . . .keep your distance. . . don't ask if it's real. . . . stay connected . . .we will think for you . . .
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. . .I made the hole. The hole is mine. Home is the hole.
I am the rabbit. . . .
34
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I went with Facebook. and honestly . . . I don't get it. I was curious what people were doing to stay sane during lockdown. . . not what they were having for lunch . . at home . . .why do people need to share that information with the world. . . .why do other people care what your eating. . . Then I looked a little closer and things got worse . .
I don't actually know that many people . . .and I didn't have too many "friends" at the school that will go un-named, so I didn't have a lot of choices to look up and the ones I did were. . . . .weird . . . .
I didn't recognize anybody in their profile pictures but the names and where they're supposed to be matches the one I looked up. I know a lot of people don't use their real image online . . .at least people I know . . . but these people have most of their lives, the day to day . . . hour by hour. . . everything posted . . .and I have no idea who they are . . . even if I recognized a place the people were all wrong . . . and it wasn't that I just didn't recognize them . . there was something else with it too. . . .something unsettling and indescribable . . .The more I looked the worse it got. . . .
I even found pictures of people who have obituaries and are supposedly dead. . . yet there they are on social media . . posting their lunch . . posting what they did last weekend . . .why would people go through the trouble to fake things like that . . . . .
or its just me . . . and I'm the crazy one. . . . for not being part of all this . . and asking questions . . .I decided to look up myself and fortunately I found nothing. Some people have the same name but are in different locations and age groups . . That was a relief . . I was pretty scared someone had taken my identity. . . the people are real but the accounts are fake . . .or vice versa . . . or both . . . why . . . .just why
I decided to check other social media channels and se what they're like. The next one was twitter . . or X . . . .which makes no sense to start with. . . .The new brand name of twitter is X . . just X . . . .stupid. . . . . not getting my hopes on this. . . . and I was right not to.
From the moment I logged in It was like my nail on a chalkboard. There was so much information scrolling in front of me that it was hard to concentrate. . . . it was like a dozen people all trying to talk to you at one time and none of it made any sense. I had the creepy scene from hell feeling again but more intense. . . . it was just nonsense . . .complete nonsense and extremely loud . . . .
I even searched a few hashtags that I thought might interest me but none of it had anything to do with what I typed in. Look at #fishing and you get girls in thongs and adds . . . .type in anything else and you pretty much get the same thing. . . . bad pictures and ads. . . . type in POTUS and you get ads and nonsense. . . . I looked up some things I knew from their websites and it was a completely different vibe . . like a whole other version of the same thing . . one from the website that was normal and made sense . . the other for social media and was designed for crazy people. . . . that's what social media managers do . . .they make crazy stuff for crazy people . . .about sane things . . for sane people . . . two completely different world existing simultaneously . . .in parallel . . . . .
I started feeling nauseous at that point . . . .I just decided that social media wasn't for me . . . or people in general. . . It's for the unsane. . . occasionally they might come across something sane and ask questions about it . . . but for the most part. . . its not something you want to explore . . . . but I do have some ideas for later . . . . . really not sure what they all think their so connected to . . .
I don't think I want to know what their all really connected to . . . can't be good . . whatever it is . . .
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55
I've been taking placement tests for weeks to make sure I start in the right place. Most of the time it was the same test over and over again. . . like they didn't believe my score so I had to do it over to prove it was accurate . . .again and again . . . . and again . . . and again . . . It might have been more than weeks. I still can't make sense of time , or how much of it has past. . . . .or little . . I've had this happen before when I was actually in herd school, except they thought I cheated . . . . but I have been taking tests for what seems like a long time. or . . . its. . . all witches . . .and devils.
I didn't actually think I was that smart, at least not to the level they think I am. Something to do with the questions I was asking when i was asked to leave school in the first place. Maybe I'm smarter than I realize . . or just less unsane than the majority . . . or more unsane than them . . . I guess it's all perspective. From their perspective I probably am the crazy one. They've told me I am many, many , many times. I just didn't pay much attention to it because . . . well . . . riding around on a golf cart with a drink in your hand, a dog in lap, and flags flying all over the place, while you slur words at me doesn't make me think your credible, even if you were one of my teachers . . . at the school that asked me to leave. . .
. . . . it might be the norm here but it doesn't make it right.
I have realized that the term normal usually means the average. It happens enough for it be most of the time which makes it the norm and then it becomes normal, even when it's wrong. Like spraying food with toxins. That might have happened enough in the US for it to be considered normal but it still isn't right. People weren't made to eat toxins. Unfortunately, it's another one of those things you can't convince people of in the US. The almighty govn't said its so, so it's so . . .
Once I realized the discrepancy of normal I started having some fun with my psychological exams for school . . at least they said it was for school. . . some kind of placement stuff . . . again. It's those tests where you have to mark all the things that you think apply to you then mark all the things that you think other people would think about you, ten all those weird what would you do in this situation stuff. It mostly just gave me a headache. Psychos aren't going to answer any of that stuff honestly. In fact most people don't anser those things honestly. They're programmed to answer it based on what they think the people giving te test want to hear, and the people giving the test expect to hear dishonest answers so they can see what the person thinks they should say. The whole things is a mad spiral of lies and deception that somehow is supposed to reveal the truth. The only truth I think it reveals is that its all nonsense, which is the only wrong answer . . . or so I was told . . . at the school that asked me to leave . . I had t take those tests there too . . . .and they never liked my answers . . .
This time instead answering it honestly, like I usually did, even though I knew it wasn't what they wanted to hear, I picked stuff at random. drew little pictures . . . even made some letters . . a big B and a big S. Then I stopped having to take those tests and all the other placement tests and actually got to start taking classes. Amazing . .
. . . . or am I just part of the hole now. . . .I don't see any bunny ears . . .
. . . . . but they said I'm in the top 3% . . . what does that mean
89
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I think people think they have some weird kind of mental connections with other people now. It all gives me a headache . . . but the best way I think I can explain is that . . .they think if you like something . . . it's not because you like it .. it's because they like it and influenced you to like . . . with mental powers . . . or magic . . or your an empath . . . .or who knows what they call it. . . witches and devils . . . nonsense . . .
Everybody in the group all likes the same things because they are all connected by some weird unexplainable force . . . and they know what the others are thinking . . .and doing . . . and feeling . . . and they all speak in this weird vague language where they don't actually say anything but they use a lot of words . . . . .then they let you figure out what there trying to say . . . by using your own psychic abilities . . . or empathy. . . . or whatever else in the hell theses people have made up . . .or show you a picture of someone or something suffering and if you feel anything they try and say its because your guilty of something else . .
I get nauseous when I think about it. It's some of the craziest stuff I've ever heard. . . and they think it's real . . . or smarter than me . . . . .then why are they so wrong about things . . . .and good luck getting them to admit they have it wrong . . their intuition or psychic mumbo jumbo wouldn't lead them astray . . .nope. . . . never . . . I guess I'm the one whose wrong then. . . . . . I didn't listen to that voice
I made the hole. The whole is mine. Home is the hole. I am the rabbit.
Seriously, what the hell is wrong with people?
Getting a vibe about someone, good or bad, isn't supernatural. . . at least I don't think it is . . . its someone says "Hey", and it catches you off guard, even though you saw her walking by, and for some unknown reason, your cool takes a backseat and all you can do is grin back at her uncontrollably . . .that's a good vibe . . . nothing sinister about it . . or supernatural . . . just a maybe we click . . .who knows. . . . but here, with most of these people its, hey . . and then you feel like your about to be sucked into another dimension where nothing makes sense anymore and there's no way out. . . so all you do is walk away . . .or run . . no shame in running for your life . . . .most of the time they don't even have to say anything to me . . just a glance . . and I'm still walking . . . or running . . .
I have a lot of experience walking away now . . . a lot of it . . . . more than I ever thought I would have . . and running. . . like my life depended on it. . . . . .where do they all come from, and what in the heck do they want with me. . . . .I'm not like them . . . in any way . . we're just different .. . . in so many ways . . . there is no building a bridge over that chasm . . . .
Maybe this new weird belief in plural person disorder(my term) is why people can't use correct pronouns any more. Seriously when did people start referring to themselves as "we" or "they". . . . that's right . . . during the pandemic . . .The pandemic killed rhetoric . . . at least in English. I don't see much about this stuff from oh IDK Scandinavia. . . . or France. . . but North America . . . . Holy Cow. . .
I will make this really simple for everyone: I use I and me when I refer to myself. When I refer to others it depends on there gender and/or numbers. If I'm unsure of their gender I might use them . . . Or I'll just use their name or some other descriptive .. . .that person who . . .
. . . . and what the heck is a gender neutral bathroom . . . .who is that for . . . . or non-binary . . . . . why are people so invested in making a new group for whatever behavior they feel like doing at that moment. . . .automatons are sexless too, is that what people are aspiring to be . . .
It's like life in the nut house but it's everywhere. . . . I have to get off social media . . . . and cut most connections from anything online . . . even just getting a glimpse into the weird hell these people have willingly gone down is too much for me . . .
or maybe its just all witches and devils . . .
. . . or psychic powers . . . yeah that's it . . .
, . . . or subliminal brainwashing on social media . . . . mentioning that will get you banned. . . so will making memes with certain messages . . . or posting questions.. . .
. . . and I'm the crazy one who can't do any of that . . . . or isn't part of a group . . . and I'm just a young man . . .
. . . . . makes sense now. . .
bout to vomit . . . again . . .
. . . . . fudge dipped, drones and clones . . . .I really don't like this new world . . .
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As a hobby during the pandemic I took some online classes about making websites, and writing for them, and how to do research for it. It's not something I'm considering for a career right now but it has helped with having something to do. It's also helped me in a lot of other things too. Like finding information about whatever . . . and since I still plan on going to college whenever this whole pandemic nightmare is over I've started doing research into which college I might want to go to . .
. . . . . and it's been . .weird . . .
. . . . . like everything else in the world now . . .
. its weird . . .
or at least most of it is. . .
some of its pretty cool looking. . . . but most of it is just . . .weird . . .
I will say this to start, I eliminated most of the schools I thought about, just looking at their websites. They clearly are not schools for people like me. . . and the requirements are things I won't ever meet anyway. . . .not a problem. . . there's plenty of others out there. . . and a lot farther away from here. Which works out better for me anyway .I am not a fan of the weather in this area.
Then I noticed they have a thing called an out of state fee. why are people in the US charged more for going to a college that's not in the state they reside in at the moment. As far as I know people don't get to choose where they are born, so why are they restricted in where they can go based on where they were born. It sounds like someone doesn't want people wandering all over the place as they choose. . . . sounds like people who raise livestock. . . the wanderers get punished . . . and the ones who remain in the herd get rewarded . . . by a faster trip to the slaughter house . . . . . who knows what happens to the ones they never see again. . . I think I'd rather be one of them. Live free and happy. . . . and no slaughter house . . . who knows how long they live . . . they're not seen again . . . at least not by people that know them . . . .
On a whim I applied to colleges out of the US. But ran into some problems with getting everything they require to attend . . .. I'm pretty sure it could be done . . but sometimes there's an easier way . . . you just have to find it. . . who knows . . . .maybe that's the next step after the next step . .
. . .I'm not closing the door . . just looking for a side route . . .
I kept on researching schools in the US and it got . . . weirder . . .the more I researched . . . the worse it got. . . . .especially when you start watching videos of students there. . . or of former students who have now graduated. Some where just too creepy to watch. They looked like homemade horror shows not college recruitment videos. i guess that depends on the kind of student they want to recruit.
A lot of them were from the smart students who are part of a college in the college that you usually have to be invited into because your smart. . . . .or your good at something other than athletics . . . but you can be athletic too . . I think . . . . or you can apply to it after your first year there.
If you don't know what that is, I wont tell you the name. I'm not really sure why I know about it. It was supposed to be a really good education. . . like ivy school but cheaper. . . they're not exactly secretive, just unadvertised . . . and most people have no idea what it is.. even though their on most campuses in the US and Canada . . . people walk by their buildings and go past their floors all the time and never realize it
. . . . that does sound a bit cryptic . . . .but I'm assured its nothing sinister. . . .at some schools. . . others. . .well. . . . lets just say some students went for chemistry or English and ended up getting a degree in gender ology . . . or part of a cult . . . . or committed . . . . at least that's how it looked to me. I think the programs are still good for the most part, they've just had some run ins with bad individuals . . like everybody else in the world has . . .or the programs themselves were targeted at some schools. . . . they are the students most likely to be asking questions . .
. . . given the opportunity . . I still think I might be part of it . . just not at certain schools . . .being around other like minded people does have an appeal to it. . . I'll still be surround by the mostly unsane but being around more people like me would be a change I could get used to . . .
The videos for most regular colleges just gave me the creeps. . . . there was absolutely no way I was going to apply to those places. . . The later ones looked like they were on set for some weird hellish nightmare scene from colleges in the US. . . . .and one had a multi-faith pastor lady that I can't begin to describe. . . . other than . . . creepy . . . Saying you believe in everything is the same as saying you believe in nothing. . . . or a religious studies/political science teacher. . . . .Wicked problem with that . . . red flags are flying . . .
After a while I finally found a few places that I actually could apply to and I am not saying anything about them. . . or where they are. . . .or what type of city they're in . . . or even what country. . . .I found mine and I'm keeping quiet.
. . . seriously what the hell is genderology . . . .
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I keep hearing about some kind of herd immunity. They are waiting for herd immunity to kick in and defeat the pandemic . . or something like that. I'm shocked they're telling people they're being treated like herd animals. . . . and no one is offended by it. I've known this for a while but this is the first I've heard of any kind of herd healing phenomenon. . . . and people are buying into it. . . . that parts actually not surprising.
Most people will believe anything they're told as long as its from the right source. . . .and it doesn't violate some weird tradition they have. . . . trying to convince some of those ranchers that there's a better way to raise livestock or it might be better to raise something other than cows and they get violent. . . . nature found a way to raise how many millions of buffalo there, without killing off all the other wildlife , or turning millions of acres of land into a monoculture abys to feed the livestock . ..that should be eating grass not grains . .but nature kept it healthy . . . people on the other hand . . . . yikes . . .
For some reason people seem to take it personal if you tell them there might be a better way. It seems like they want to prove that the way they are doing it is the best way because its the way their daddy did it, and their grandaddy , , and so on , and so on. .
"Are you saying my daddy was wrong young man?"
. . . Not exactly . . just that things are supposed to change . . . there's always room for improvement . . . progress. .
. been more than one person shot at over a revolutionary idea. . .
. like regenerative farming . . . or planned grazing . . .
circular systems of agriculture . . .
clean energy . .
.aquaculture . . .
. . . new construction methods and materials with less waste . . .
. . living with nature instead of exploiting it . . .
People seem to hold onto traditions a lot longer than they should too. . . especially in the US . . . a lot of the US still thinks in terms of North and South . .wasn't there a war like over 200 years ago to end that way of thinking. . .but traditions . . you can't break with tradition . .
. .I'm trying to move past seeing the world divided by funny little lines that people draw . . . . this whole pandemic thing doesn't seem to care about borders . .why should I?
Why do people still trust pharmaceutical companies? tradition
Why do people trust the govn't? tradition
Why do people cling to harmful ideas? tradition
Why do people believe anything some people say,? tradition
Why don't people ask questions? tradition
I always heard that still waters turn stagnant, and a lot of these traditions seem like still waters to me. I just don't get it.
I liked the world better when I wasn't so aware of most of the people in it . . or at least what a lot of them are really like.
Traditions make it hard to tell what kind of person you're dealing with.
Is that really what they think or are they saying it because they think its what they're suppose to say because of . . . tradition.
It would be easier if there were only 3 types of people in the world: 1. the majority that does whatever everyone else is doing or whatever they're told . . aka . . the herd . . 2. the malicious ones, the ones trying to pull everybody else down, or exploit everyone else for their gain 3. the ones trying to make the world a better place, not just for themselves but for everyone. Unfortunately, that's not exactly the way it is. In some cases it is, but for the most part it looks like a lot of people overlap into other areas or are a mix of all three groups.
. . .and most of them will cling to some archaic tradition even if it means dying . . somehow their whole identity has been defined by traditions . . . change is a personal attack on their self . . . even if it means it will be better for them . . .
It all gets pretty confusing and I try not to spend too much time worrying about it anymore.
. . . I can't change other people. I can change me,
. . . . and present better ideas as I find them,
some people listen to people with new ideas. . . some don't . . . I can't do anything about it except keep trying to do better . . .
. . I'm not cut out for the world most people live in anyway. . .I ask questions . . . and get kicked out of institutions like high school and churches. . . and I like change . . .
. . and being the one whose crazy is starting to fit a little better . . .
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I've had to stop watching the news . . of any kind. The world news is just a scam. Seriously I've seen better low budget horror films that were way more convincing. But people actually believe that nonsense and you can't convince them it's nonsense because they have it ingrained in their heads that everything on the news is factual and true . . because their mommy and daddy said so . . .and now its tradition . . . blah, blah, blah. . . . Even when it's pointed out that its fake . . or scripted. . . or acted . . . or the footage isn't real. . . or from another incident . . . or. . . . or. . . . or . . . .
Like this whole pandemic nonsense. They keep showing these over ran hospitals and crap, but I don't know anyone who has seen any of this in person . . .and neither does anyone else. The hospital they keep showing could have looked like that before the pandemic, how would anybody know .. . . You also can't tell on tv what illness someone has, especially this stupid pandemic one. . . isn't it just a strain of the common cold. Why haven't people been dying from that . . . or have they and they just haven't made it public. . .
The local news is even worse. People look creepy . . . like zombies . . . from movies. Maybe it's just my head playing tricks on me because I can't adjust to wacko world but there is something just not quite right about them. not,all ,. . but most . .are just . . . idk. . .
The news they have seems like a bunch of old people arguing about how to make things the way they were when it was the best time ever. I'm not that old so I have no idea what their talking about most of the time anyway. Still, if I have to look back for the best it can be I feel like I might have lost already. Why can't things be better than that. Mindset can hold you back or move you forward, even in Lunyville. . .
But my head hurts . . . from watching real life zombies argue over the best times and how to make it like that again . . . .and it's called the news . . . . during a pandemic . . . . feeling nauseous again . . . breath . . . . .breath . . . I wish this all was just in my head . . . . Why can't I just wake up. . . . or did I dream the way I think things used to be. . . .why can't I make sense of any of this. . . . Maybe it is just me. . . . maybe I am the crazy one and everybody else is sane. . . .they don't seem to notice how crazy this all is and I do . . .
I've also started being a lot more vigilante about reading labels at the store. I had no idea some many things had so many chemicals in them. It's insane. Even things tat are labeled as organic can have chemicals added later and still be called organic . . at least in the US. That's just sad. instead of raising the bar for food quality they lowered the standard for organic. Just sad.
I have done a pretty good job of getting the chemicals out of my diet. It takes a little bit of work and I don't buy anything premade, but I feel better, and I know everything that's in my food. It's also incredibly cheaper. People spend more on fast food for a meal than I usually do on my food for the week . . and mine is all organic and made fresh. . . . healthier and less expensive . .
. . . just takes a little more effort . . .
. but I'm the crazy one . . .
It really doesn't take that much effort in doing, just more in planning. I probably spend less time making and planning my food than they do in line waiting for garbage. . . oh yeah , , I'm bonkers and everyone else has it nailed . . .
. . . . I'm starting to become a lot more comfortable being the crazy one . . . . it definitely feels better . . .
. . . but I'm the one whose crazy . . .
. . . . and I'm feeling pretty good about that . .
. . . .honestly . . .
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I had a revelation this morning. The US leadership, whoever you choose to believe that is, is actually trying to reduce the US population. Based on the pharmaceutical commercials and other commercials it's the only rational explanation I can come up with. I'm sure if i tell people they'll just say I'm the crazy one . . .again . . .but it looks like this.
Resources are getting lower, petroleum, food, ect.. . precious metals aren't as precious anymore, gem stones are, eehhh, the world is changing and the high ups don't like it. In order to keep the status quo they want to reduce the population. Less people equals more resources and easier for them to stay at the top. Unfortunate, in the world they live in , down seems like up. . . I guess that makes them bottom feeders of the surface area.
There might be some truth in that but convincing anyone in the US that their precious govn't isn't looking out for them is nearly impossible. They did stop the selling of seeds though. The US govn't doesn't want people to be able to grow their own food. All they want people to have access to is the chemical and toxin laced garbage that contributes to peoples problems. Most of the so called diseases in the US are actually allergic reactions to chemicals in the food or the pesticides they use to grow it. . . or the chemical fertilizers . . monoculture . . .
. . ..or maybe because its all so unnatural that unconsciously peoples' bodies are rejecting things they don't agree with . . .
. .. IDK . . .
I do know the people who spray the fertilizers and pesticides on the "food" have to wear hazmat suits. . . but it's completely safe for human beings to eat . . . just not to get it on your skin . . . Ssince I've gone back to all organic and making my own food instead of ultra processed pre made junk that I was forced to but during the stupid fake pandemic . . . .
. . . . I feel great. . . even with how unsane the world around me is . . . I actually feel pretty good .
. . .or I'm wearing bunny ears and I don't know it. . .
I'm starting to like being the crazy one. . . . . . .
. . . . I've also noticed that the birds sing louder when they see me. Since I have no idea how loud they sing when I'm not around I can honestly say they sing louder when they see me . . .
. . .Yep I'm starting to like being the crazy one . .
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. . . .You made the hole. The hole is yours. Your home is the hole.
You are the rabbit. . . . .
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Getting into college is proving to be a bit more tricky than I thought it would be. I applied to a lot of schools and got some interesting letters back. A few of them requested transcripts from the school that asked me to leave, even though I didn't put that school on my application. I told them I was homeschooled which is how I finished school. The school they want transcripts from has no record of me being there. Like none. . . at all. Like they washed their hands of the whole ordeal. . . .and how would a college I applied to even know to ask for a transcript from a school I didn't mention I went to. I wasn't there that long anyway. I didn't even finish the first year. Kind of odd. a school I applied to wants a transcript from a school I didn't tell them I attended, which doesn't acknowledge I was ever a student to begin with. . . . and not just one of them . . .several . . . . it has happened several times. . . .
I'm not trying to understand it either. I'll stick with the schools that are fine with me being homeschooled. I think they probably know a lot more about what I've been through than these other ones.
Still, it is pretty weird. Not the weirdest things that have happened in my life but still weird.
I also can't get any official ID. They have no record of me either and all my identification stuff is being held by an unknown agency for an unknown reason. That's the last official reason I got. . .Oh and that it would all be taken care of by whoever is holding it. . . at the proper time. . .
That's not cryptic at all, but unfortunately its 100 % real. This is the world I live in now. The crazy, creepy, unbelievable world I live in now, and it doesn't look like it's going to get better any time soon.. . .or . . .ever. . .
Yeah being the crazy one might not be so bad. I'm still not wearing bunny ears but all in all I'm adjusting to a world that is completely unsane. But there are so many ways it could be better.
I keep waiting for someone to come up with a simple solution for the craziness of the world right now. Something like not running the water when you brush your teeth saves water. It might only save a few gallons a week when I do it, which really doesn't sound like that big of a deal. Until you think about how much it would save if EVERYONE did it. In the US alone that would probably save millions, if not billions of gallons of water ever year, just by not running the water while you brush your teeth. That's a crazy amount of water, that can be used for all kinds of things.
Why aren't the people that these herd like majorities listening to telling people to stop running the water when they brush their teeth, or use recycling, separate the compostable goods. . . don't kill sharks . . . learn more about aquaculture and regenerative farming . . . Seems like some really easy fixes that could go a long way, instead we have , wear two masks. WTH? . . oh and crazy is just the world now . . get used to it . . .you can't change it. . .
. . . by myself . . no I can't .
But I don't have to do everything by myself . . that's kind of the point. . . if everyone did a little, no one would have to do a lot . . . but big changes could still happen . .
I might not like the crazy world I live in now . . but I still have hope it can change for the better. . . . people IDK . . .the world . . yes . . . . . but people . .
. . . .. I've always liked wildlife better than most people . . . the wildlife is cool. . . most people are crazy . .
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. . . . and the birds sing louder when they see me
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The more I think about it the more it seems like this whole thing was planned. The pandemic, social media, people being crazy, the fake medicine, unhealthy food, basically most of what's happening. It all seems like it was planned. Maybe not every little detail but the big parts of it could have been. You take a population raised on chemical laced foods, you put most of them on meds that do who knows what, warp their traditions, make them feel like its us against them with barriers and fake culture, it all helps you break down any sense of individualism and makes them susceptible to whatever influence you decide on.
Then to speed things up, you come up with a fake pandemic, blast the media with fake images of how bad it is, lock everybody up in their homes so you can force feed them with whatever doom and gloom you want to, then come out with a cure to make yourself look like a hero and trust worthy, now the world that was tired of being exploited by you will run to you for help. . . or some other nefarious reason . . .
The main thing you need to do to succeed is keep people from asking questions. . . People like me . . . who get asked to leave school for asking questions . . . Maybe that's what all the placement tests are really for . . to weed out the ones who might be a problem later . . . hold them back . . . kick them out .. . .try and keep them from getting an education . . . . and proceed as planned. . . . .Unless they find a way around it. . . and end up somewhere better . . .where they look for people who ask questions . . . people who aren't afraid to think things an be better . . . . Oh my gosh, I was labeled a dissident from the first time we took those placement tests . . . It really wasn't just one question I asked . . . .it was how I answered questions years ago. . . . they had been waiting for me to do something so they could decide one way or the other . . .I knew it was a conspiracy . . . I knew it . .
. . well. . . . .
I might be wrong on a few points there . . . but it is plausible . . . .with how crazy the world really is. . . it actually might be exactly the way it happens. . . .
I'm not an expert . . . I'm a student. . . and I hope to be one in college soon . . .
I might not know little things like street names, or remember world events , other than the pandemic, or dates, or lots of other little things, or have an official ID, or be part of a group, or any other social things, or have psychic abilities, or any supernatural powers, or be able to see the future, or even how long it took to get to where I am now. Seriously, how do people keep track of things like "when this or that happened"
It didn't happen today so it must have been yesterday, which yesterday is irrelevant, a yesterday works just fine.
I also know Nitze got it wrong, on most counts, but the one I'm mainly referring to is the one most people know "That which doesn't kill me makes me stronger." I doubt most people even know where it came from, but its horribly wrong.
Things that put us to the test, or those life changing events, like a pandemic, always kill the person we were, and the person who comes out the other side of it is a different person al together. . . or at least it seems that way to me. I am most certainly not the same person who got kicked out of school for asking questions. I still ask question but who I am and the way I see the world is nowhere near the same as before. I don't have to remember the way all of it was or who I was to know there different either. Things change, so do people. . . or at least they can. . . sometimes for the better. . . .
If you are tested or happen to have one of those events and you do come out of it exactly the same as you were before. . . then I don't know. . .maybe you didn't make it through it yet. I'm not really an expert. I'm still just a student . . . or at least still trying to be . . . .
The world might not be the way I thought it was ,its a lot crazier . . .like a level of crazy I didn't know existed . . .
. and I'm OK with it. . . . .
for now . . . .
. . .but. . . . . . I'll know more now, when tomorrow is yesterday.
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You made the hole. The hole is yours. Your home is the hole.
You are the rabbit.
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. . . and the birds sing louder when they see me . . .